Giving up on greener grass

A friend and I each attended different support groups for the first time.  We both went there with the feeling we knew what we were doing for our children and left with quite a few questions.  I do think it is valuable to connect with other special needs parents, there’s a world of information out there that only seems be transmitted by this secret society.  I like to hear about other children and their therapies and activities.  But sometimes it is hard not to get into this endless loop of worrying if the therapy that parent X mentioned or the activity that parent Y mentioned is the missing piece of our intervention.   Never mind that we probably could not afford it and have no time in the schedule for anything else.

It can be difficult to make decisions about my child that could potentially be life-altering.  I think it is easiest to be confident when R. is making progress, and when things slow down I start to wonder about all the other things we could be doing.   One of the facilitators of the support group said that it was important to remember that our children are individuals, and what worked for her child wasn’t going to be the answer for ours.  I think she’s right.   I don‘t think I’ll ever be able to stop wondering what if we did this or that.   But now that I can look back on a year and a half of various therapies, I do feel like I can be confident about what is working.

So when I meet another special needs parent and she tells me her child is making great progress because of feline therapy and jello wrestling (yes I am making that up, and no I do not mean any offense to any therapy or intervention out there),  I’m going to think and say I’m glad that’s working out so well for your child.

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  1. I found this, more so in the early days when the learning curve was so much steeper and I didn’t really know what I was doing. Like you said though, seeing our children make progress and be happy is the outcome we are looking for and each parent knows their own child best:) Jen

  2. Good for you. It can be really easy to get wrapped up in whether we’re doing everything we should. Well done on getting what R. needs, and getting support for yourself as well.

  3. I too heard great things about the Jello Wrestling Therapy! Now if I could only convince my wife …..

  4. You maybe on to something there with the jello wrestling!

  5. Darn-they all got to the jello wrestling before I could! But does anyone jello wrestle with their cat? Hi from the blog hop. 🙂

  6. Interesting!!!

  7. My question is: How much does jello wrestling cost and does insurance cover it?

    Been there … many times over the past 8 years … wondering what I’m NOT doing for my son. What therapy don’t I know about? How much better off would he be if I actually did his therapy homework? Wouldn’t it be so much better if all we “good enough” moms of SN kiddos focus on all we ARE doing for them? The benefit of our peaceful mindsets would probably be more valuable than any assignment.

    Michelle (ICLW #15)

  8. That is a damned hard lesson to learn. Good for you for absorbing that lesson.

    ICLW #14

  9. Support groups are incredibly important. A safe place where you can talk about some of the darkest moments. But yes, it’s incredibly hard not to compare our kids (special needs or not). I often have to remind myself of that as well.
    Thank you for stopping by my blog.

  10. […] have posted about acceptance before: Giving up on greener grass On acceptance An open letter to NT […]

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